Date: January 31, 2008

Location: 26-100

Time: 10 am

The structure of the primaries is two rounds. Each candidate faces off against a placebo, our favorite being the ferris wheel-resembling thing, and another candidate through random pairing. By looking at the results, the TAs rank each candidate and prepare for the election.

Due to special connections on behalf of the campaign staff, we learned that only 1/3 of the candidates were able to beat a non-scoring, non-traveling placebo. This has got to be the most unique election year yet. Seems like anything could happen at the election.

The favorite candidate, Icarus-bot, was unfortunately defeated in both rounds. However, problems with its scoring mechanism due to the different ball sizes were fixed. Turning the exact 78.7, 101.3, and 146.3 degree angles still seemed to be an issue, but drastic measures were taken, starting at approximately 1:30 pm, to fix their inconsistent gyroscope. This process involved a flaming soldering iron reeking of burning plastic. Yummy.

Meanwhile, other double losses include both Gene Simmons and Shoot, We Don't Play! Gene Simmons busted yet another happyboard, their whopping fourth one, and kept getting panic errors during the primaries. However, after updating to joyos_v0.2.3, problems have seemed to subside. Hopefully the public will get to see their awesome shooting mechanism in action. Shoot, We Don't Play! was able to launch their Great Wall of Connecticut successfully, but the opposing candidate mowed it down. One of the audience favorites, they started a huge uproar that echoed throughout the establishment.

REAL TIME UPDATE!! January 31, 2008 @ 2:27 pm

Our awesome campaign advisors gathered some inside information by eavesdropping. The statistics describing the primaries are: 4 candidates won both rounds, 10 candidates only won one round, and the rest (approximately 14-15 candidates) lost both rounds. Seems like it's a very difficult campaign race, don't you think?

Meanwhile, the favorite Icarus-bot sits on the table, gyroscope-less, as campaign staff work hard to resolder the connections. Hope is still in the air! We will keep you updated on the progress of this delicate procedure.

REAL TIME UPDATE!! January 31, 2008 @ 3:09 pm

Icarus-bot returns! Let's all hope that Icarus-bot can gain the advantage for this election. It all depends on the gyroscope. Let me emphasize that. It ALL depends on the gyroscope! One of the campaign staff described it as "better, but not perfect. There's some issue, sometimes it works, but sometimes it doesn't." Icarus-bot may have deep-seeded anguish directed towards its father, and psychologists are currently analyzing what makes it spin. We might have a mourning session later, but let's not lose hope now! Wait, am I spying a TA helping Icarus-bot? I hear some suggestions of changing Icarus-bot's platform, but that's not possible now, is it? All we can do now is hope for the best.